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Are You Staring At My Breads?

Dear Bread Lover, Are you ever canoodling with a fresh loaf of bread, loving it, rubbing it all over your face and then you start to get sad, thinking about the future when that bread is no longer young and fresh the way that you once were? Well, never you fear! I have the perfect use for old bread. Keep reading. I like to make crostini with my soon-to-be-moldy-and-disgusting bread. This way, you’re not wasting food and you have a delightful treat to serve your unexpected guests. Speaking of unexpected guests, I have this fantasy that I live in a…

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Wallpaper/Dollpaper

Dear Keith Haring, Thank you for the wonderful body of work you left behind in your too-short life. I’ve always been captivated by the playful, graphic nature of your work. This is why I was attracted to the wall stickers inspired by one of your installations. When it came time to add wallpaper (or, rather, Dollpaper) to my dollhouse, I decided to add some Haring flare. Below are the images of the newly papered dining room. I can’t wait to move into my own falling down barn so I can put up the full-size version of this paper. In other…

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10 Non Ugly Sectional Sofas

Dear Reader, Do you ever sit up in bed, at a 90 degree angle, late at night, thinking about how much you hate sectional sofas? Me too. They’re often so ugly, annoying, and whale-like. They are the Ursula the Sea Witch of home furnishings. However, sometimes a room really needs a sectional. Usually when it’s too big for just a sofa, but too small for multiple sofas or a sofa and lots of chairs. I have a new client whose living room is, like, begging for a sectional, so I’ve had them on my mind lately. Below are a couple…

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Turning 30 in the Woods!

Dear Diary, I had a little bit of a hard time turning 30 this year. The thought terrified me, chilling me to my bones. But it’s not what you think. You’re probably thinking I was scared of getting old. That’s not the case at all. I love old people way more than I love young people. What I was really afraid of is the fact that my life had not yet lived up to what I thought it was supposed to as a twentysomething in Los Angeles. To understand why I don’t feel that I’ve lived up to my full potential…

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Birthday Cake…Not for you, Rihanna

By Contributing Food Editor Jared Levan To All the Cake Lovers, Yes–that was a Kylie reference. It’s been quite a long time since my last post, but in honor of an upcoming Hommemaker birthday (July 5th), I decided Orlando needed a post dedicated entire to cake. There are probably some of you who would prefer something on pie, pastry or pudding…but we’ll get to you and yours another time. For the big 3-0, Orlando has decided on a “rustic/woodland” themed extravaganza. Now you may be asking yourself, what does a rustic/woodland cake look like? That’s a good question. I had…

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Cover Thine Naked Walls In Stickers.

Dear Empty Walls, Are you ever sitting there all like “Oh my god I’m naked I wish someone would put a sticker on me”? And then you look around and all the wall decals out there are, like, totally gross? Well, I have found a solution to your nakedness. There a few wall stickers out there that will cover you in beauty and glamour. For the most part wall stickers are cheesy and gross and look like they belong in college dorms. But don’t lose hope! A few sophisticated options do exist… Keith Haring Wall Sticker from Blik. $50. I…

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All I Want For My Birthday Is Everything.

Dear Friends, Family, and Internet Strangers, In about a week, I am going to turn 30 years old. I’ve been freaking out about a little bit. Not because I am scared of getting older. I’ve always liked older people more than younger people (Young people are idiots, am I right? I’ve always hated them). The main reason for my freak out is that when I was little I thought being 30 meant being a total grown up and I still feel like I have the maturity level of Raven Simone’s beloved namesake on That’s So Raven (unfortunately for me, however,…

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Californiatimez: Hiking, Cactii, and the Most Amazing Plant Nursery on Earth

Dear Diary, Last weekend, some gays and I decided to escape the madness that is LA Pride and head to the little town of Fillmore, California to take a hike and discover new things. Naturally, because we are 90z gays, we took a Jeep wrangler, with the top down. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced riding in the back of a Jeep Wrangler, but a word to the wise: don’t ride in the back when it’s cold outside. It’s the coldest you’ll ever be in your whole life. I froze to death and it was really sad. But then…

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Whut Glamour: Tham & Videgård

Dear Swedish Architecture Firm Tham & Videgård, I discovered you a few weeks back when I was researching tree houses. You made this awesome treehouse: Not only do you design glamourous tree houses, you also design modern, exciting homes for lucky, beautiful rich people. Below are a selection of my favorites. House K This one is pretty minimal, cold, and scary from the outside, but looks modern and delightful from the inside. Nora I’ve always dreamed of living in a little box like this one. Garden House This house is genius because it takes something kinda depressing (lattice), blows up the…

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Palm Springs Overdose

Dear Reader, When I was a little boy, obese with braces on my teeth, I used to love whipped cream. We never used the canned kind, my mother always whipped it up the real stuff. I loved it until one day when I went overboard. That day I ate a whole entire bowl of whipped cream by myself. I’ve never been so sick in my life. I’m telling you this story not only to let you know that I was a fat kid, but also to provide a warning to you: too much of a good thing is a bad…

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Orlando’s Obsession: Tiled Fireplaces

Dear Santa, I know you love to come down the chimney on Christmas. But let’s be honest, when you emerge through the fireplace, sometimes it’s a bit of a let down. I mean, how many orangey-red bricks can you look at before you want to gouge out your eyeballs with a candy cane? I have a solution for you, Santa. It’s called tiling your fireplace and you’re going to love it. I’ve been thinking about tiled fireplaces lately because Emily and I have a client who wants to add a feminine touch to her fireplace. Tile is a good way…

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D.I.Why? Secret Painting Bulletin Board

Dear You, See this painting? I hope so, it’s right in front of your face. But guess what? It’s not a painting. It’s a bulletin board. Would you like to know how I made it? Me neither. But I’ll tell you anyway. First, I went to the art supply store where scary artist sales associate helped me find canvas. It costs about $7 a yard. I got mine from Dick Blick. I used acrylic paint I had leftover from a previous project. It’s a very pretty color of navy blue. I watered the paint down to give it a tie-dye…

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Whut Glamour: Boffo Show House

Dear Diary, I was delighted to open my email this morning and find some images from the latest Boffo exhibition. Boffo is the culture/arts non-profit started by my close friends Faris and Gregory. Their most recent project is an art/design installation called “Show House” that features the work of dozens art artists and designers, each installed into uninhabited apartments on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. The show is open until June 4. So check it out if you’re in New York. The exhibition space is located at 371 Madison Street and is open from 11 AM to 7 PM…

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Think Outside The Box: No Socks

Dear Diary, Apparently there is a totally exciting new trend involving naked male ankles. I had no idea, always running around wearing my nerdy socks pulled up to my knees. Enjoy these glamourous images of shoes with no socks! The juxtaposition of a dressy suit with the casual exclusion of socks is a nice one. I guess it is kind of sexy to see a little skin, even if it’s just the ankle. Love this whole outfit. He looks like a sailor from the high seas, except for with better hygiene and more teeth. Ugh, I so want to be…

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My So-Called Apartment Building

Dear Reader In an old apartment building in Hollywood, not covered in vines, lived twelve little gay guys, in two straight lines. …Well, not really, but you get the picture. I live in this crazy apartment building where a lot of my friends happen to live and as you can imagine, it is filled with titillating gay drama, glamourous rooftop parties, and devious boyfriend stealing. I moved here last year after admiring the building for years. Mainly because it’s the best color ever, mint green, which totally goes with the mid-century style of the building. It was built in 1949…

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Tree Houses For Your Spouses

Dear Treehouses, I’ve always wanted to live in one of you. I had no idea how many other people had treehouse fetishes until I started researching the topic. There are some crazyamazing treehouses out there. Here are some of the more exciting ones: This is classic treehouse. It’s rustic and woodsy. Like my soul. This treehouse is all “Forget everything you thought you knew about treehouses, I’m an urban girl!” This one looks like an alien. So does your mom. I love the floor-length window. I’d live in there. This one is so cute and classic, like a little tiny…

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Orlando’s Obsession: Casper Balslev

Dear Photographer and Music Video Cinematographer Casper Balslev, I am obsessed with your cool photographs of Los Angeles and your totally amazing music videos that I could just eat with a spoon. I discovered you when I watched the music video for “This Boys In Love” by the Presets. Upon further investigation I found out you not only shot videos for Marina and the Diamonds and a bunch of other fun bands (videos at the end of this post), you also take beautiful photographs. Please enjoy: And for the music videos, beginning with the one that started it all: [vimeo…

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You Must Buy These Things Or You Will Be Socially Ostracized!

Dear Diary, The sun is shining in beautiful Los Angeles and the summer is upon us. Or at least I think it is. I actually have no idea when the official start of summer is and I don’t feel like googling it. I know the unofficial start is next weekend. Memorial Day Weekend. To get ready for summer, I’ve been slowly stocking up on summer must-haves. And so should you. If you are a girl, just buy these things for your boyfriend. That way no other girls will hit on him because he will look like a mischievous homosexual. Like…

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There’s Something Going On In The Bedroom

Dear My Bedroom, I hate you. I’m over you. And I need a change. But for some reason all the bedroom inspiration I’m finding is so feminine. Which is weird because guys like to sleep too. Below are some images of bedrooms I like. Please enjoy them. I love this one. Look how tiny that mirror is? I can’t tell if it’s stupid or amazing. This grey bedding is fun. I think you can get away with dark colors in a sexy, masculine bedroom… Gimme. All of it. The flag, the cute rug, the jacket. Emily designed this one for…

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Whut Glamour: New York

Dear New York, It was a whirlwind trip visiting you for the first two weeks of May. But I must say I saw a ton of pretty things (and I managed to take a picture of a few of them). Here is a pictorial recap of my trip. We stayed in an adorable part of Brooklyn (Carroll Gardens) in our friend Ian’s apartment. If I ever move back to New York I think I’ll live in Brooklyn. I’ve never lived there before but it’s way more mellow than Manhattan. Our first night there we took a little walk in Dumbo….

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Valley Of The Ken Dolls

Dear Diary, I spent the past two weeks in New York, where the weather was cloudy and rainy and wet the entire time. I had a great time decorating The Lake House with Emily, but I missed my boyfriend and home so I was ecstatic to come back to Los Angeles. I got back Saturday afternoon and immediately began having more fun than I’ve ever had in my whole life. Saturday evening we went to Cinespia. This is the film series they have every summer at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. It’s one of my three favorite things about summer in…

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Being A Dork About New York

Dear New York, We’ve had a complicated relationship. I’ve loved you, I’ve hated you. I’ve run to you, I’ve fled from you. And then I’ve repeated these steps over and over until I couldn’t tell if I ever loved you at all. The first time I went to New York I was 4. We went to visit family who lived back there (sidenote: I always refer to the East Coast as “back there” or “back east” because it’s older than California). What I remember most vividly about that first trip is going to the Metropolitan Museum for what seemed like…

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Oh My God Look At These Stupid Drawings

Dear Artists, This weekend I decided to take Saturday off to make a drawing. All my friends fled to the beach to luxuriate in the golden California weather while I sat inside doing laundry and thinking of what to draw. Which was fine by me because that’s actually my favorite thing in the world to do. I had a little bit of artist’s block, so I decided to go through some of my old sketchbooks to get ideas. And when I looked through those sketchbooks I came to a shocking conclusion. I am an actual crazy person. Below is the…

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What Your Car Said About You Behind Your Back

Dear Diary, The other day I was sitting at home with my boyfriend (I have one. Weird right? …He’ll dump me when he finds out about my massive codependency issues). The thing about him is that he LOVES cars. He actually needs to buy a new one and has been researching what to buy. I keep scoffing at every car he shows me which got me to wondering what car I would buy if money were no object. The branding of automobiles has so much to do with aspiration and performance. We’re making a statement about who we are by what…

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