Dear True Grit,
You are a good movie. I enjoyed watching you. The other evening, my beautiful friend ActorWriter Brian asked me if I wanted to see you, and I was like “Not really.” But I changed my mind (out of sheer desperation to see a movie) and we went with our pretty friend NotQuiteSureWhatHeDoes Jonny, who left halfway through the film because he got, like, totally bored. The plot of the film is as follows (spoiler alert: I give away the ending!):
1. Someone kills Hailee Steinfeld’s dad.
2. She enlists the help of Cartoon-Texan Matt Damon and Gurgle-Voice Alcoholic Jeff Bridges to find her father’s murderer.
3. Everyone they come into contact with dies. In totally long, gratuitous scenes with tons of close ups of everyone’s fingers getting cut off.
4. After everyone in the whole world is murdered, they finally kill the dude that killed Hailee’s dad.
5. Hailee turns into an old woman and the whole audience is simultaneously reminded 0f their own mortality and everyone cries.
I know it sounds like I didn’t love you that much, True Grit. But I really did. Even during the boring middle 1.5 hours, I was captivated by how gorgeous the film is. The production design (by Jess Gonchor) is stunning. Because I am obsessed with the West, all the beautiful wide shots of dry, sweeping landscapes kept me happy when the plot got boring. Even the typeface used on the closing credits was impeccable and cohesive with the style of the film. True Grit is definitely one of those movies that you don’t really enjoy until after you’re done watching it. And then it sticks with you and you want to see it again.
Love,
Orlando