Extreme Makeover: Pinecone Lamp

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Dear Smokey The Bear,

Do you own any lamps? I bet you don’t. You don’t even have a shirt. But if you did own a lamp I bet you’d want to own a lamp like this awesome pinecone lamp I found recently at American Way Thrift in Burbank:

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That’s right. I snagged this piece of garbage for $12.99! At first I thought it was the worst thing I’d ever seen. But just like Freddie Prinze Jr in She’s All That, I knew a makeover was possible. I started fantasizing about spraying it matte black and putting a simple drum lampshade on it. Check out how gross the speckle finish was:

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Barf river! So I grabbed a can of Matte Black Spray Paint:

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And ran home as fast as I could, screaming, foaming at the mouth the whole time about how amazing the lamp was going to look once I got rid of that horrible sponge painted finish. Just kidding I didn’t really scream. Well I did sort of. But just in my head (no comment on the mouth foaming).

I chose to spray it black because I wanted to simplify the whole situation. Like my personality, the structure of the lamp is overly complicated and ornate so I thought it should be paired down a bit.

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When I spray items like this, I tend to spray them from all different angles to make sure I coat everything. Because of the pinecone details, there were a ton of nooks and crannies to get to. I did two coats on the front side, let it dry for 30 minutes, then flipped it over and did two coats on the backside. And by the end it became impossible to tell that the lamp was ever not matte black.

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Because of my woodsy roots, I have a thing for woodland objects. Thus, I love the rustic mountain story this piece tells, along with its elegant structure.

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I set the pinecone lamp on a bedside table, thinking to myself that even if I die alone in my sleep with no one to rush me to the hospital because I’m all alone, at least I’ll get to look at that pinecone lamp one last time before my totally tragic death.

Love,
Orlando

22 thoughts on “Extreme Makeover: Pinecone Lamp

  1. God that is brilliant. Just don’t die. But if you do lets hope you can cryo your brain (and handsome face) and save it for future generations to come. And leave the lamp to someone who could put it in the Smithsonian museum of design.

  2. Let’s take a deep breath and step away from the arts & crafts for a moment 😀 You make lovely things, but you’re one step away from sounding like you own 18 cats.

  3. Love the mandible ashtray to complete the woodsy, smokin’ amongst pine cones feel. Brilliant as usual. The blog snow flurries are adorable.

  4. I’ve never commented. But you are hilarious. Please don’t ever stop or change your style. I don’t know how you think of phrasing things in this way. Like the Instagram post where you put up your drivers license from when you were 16? I still laugh literally out loud when I think of your comment. Anyways, thank you and please never change!!!!

  5. you are hilarious. emily has a post up today where she makes some comments that were very orlando-esque

    I also thought I was having an aneurysm when I saw the snow at first. you are a genius.

  6. I love this lamp, but mostly, I love the snow!!! And now I’ve realized that is pretty much what everyone else has said, but you need to know how awesome it is. As I’m sure you do.

  7. The lamp turned out great. This post was hilarious. I read it 3 times because it makes me laugh.

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