Photos By Erika Gragg
Dear You,
Are you ever sitting at home, wishing that a stranger on the internet would tell you how to do something you already know how to do? Well you’re in luck, because today I am going to show you how to paint a frame. It’s an activity that’s so easy that a goldfish with no fins, tail, or eyeballs could do it. Here’s what you do:
1. Go to Goodwill, Out of the Closet, or another thrift store and buy an ugly splatter painted mirror. Make sure that although the paint is ugly, it is of good quality (solid wood) and well-built.
2. Go to the Koontz Hardware and buy this product. Or buy it on the internet or whatever:
3. Get yourself some gorgeous blue tape (to match my deep, oceanic eyes):
4. And a paintbrush. And sandpaper. And an Exacto knife.
5. Using a fine grain sandpaper, sand the frame lightly, so that the new paint will stick (there’s no picture of this because it’s way too boring).
6. Tape off the mirror so you don’t waggle your paint all over everything like a fool. You may notice that the mirror suddenly changed color to blue in the image below. That’s because I painted it blue before realizing that was a totally stupid idea and that I was a stupid dumb idiot for doing so. Tip: don’t paint your chic 80s Kelly Wearstler mirror country blue. Duh.
7. Use your Exacto knife to make sure the corners are taped perfectly. If you don’t do something perfectly, you may as well not do it all. You may as well just sit there eating a jar of peanut butter. Alone. On the sofa. By yourself.
8. Paint the frame whilst thinking about those delicious cookies your grandma used to make. Remember, you must think positive thoughts while painting. Otherwise you fill whatever you’re painting with your inner demons and the painted item is cursed. Forever.
9. Flip your hair and keep painting, thinking about how fulfilling this activity is and how happy you will be to have a glamorous, high-gloss black mirror.
10. Allow the paint to dry overnight. While you wait, dream of how gorgeous it’s going to be, how different your life will be now that you have a glamorous mirror to stare at, how nothing can stop you now. Then, rip off the tape while yelling things about how gross Ann Coulter is and how ashamed you are that she went to the same stupid college you went to.
11. Admire how shiny and lovely the paint is (seriously, I’m kind of impressed by this high-gloss product).
12. Hang your mirror in a place that needs something big and reflective. A bathroom is an idea place because then you can also use the mirror to look at yourself when you’re getting ready in the morning, wondering how many new ugly 80s mirrors you will find that day.
So there you have it. How to paint a mirror. Now go out and paint something before the endoftimez. Hurry!
Love,
Orlando
All photos by Erika Gragg.
The best part of this diy was to see how freaking sexy you are while you paint.
He’s also lacking that chubby under-chin thing that I would most certainly have if I were photgraphed reflected in a mirror, looking down. Nor does he have paint all over his hands, and his white T. This is not natural.
chubby under-chin?? why would anyone have that. Perfectly athletic people dont have that, hahaha. And you dont need to make a mess out of you while you paint (except when you use spray paint) Thats either a myth or just a very sloppy person trying to do things fast without any sort of consideration.
Your hair is fantastic.
Seriously. How do I convince my boyfriend to rock hair like that?
The only basic painting guide to make me laugh…I can’t wait to read more of your D.I.Why?s. And now I’m off to spray paint some jars (voila, vases!) and write a blog post about it. 😉
I love that elephant succulent thing! <3 and your painting clothes!
I was with you until you put the mirror above your toilet so that you can stare at yourself while you pee. Must be a guy thing.
I really couldn’t agree more with Martin Chavanne.
loving your original content!
beautiful painter-boy!
I feel like I have been reading this blog for so long. It is finally time for me to out myself and say how much I appreciate your blog entries. They honestly make my day. They really do make me smile. Thank you, don’t ever stop writing!
K x
I love yo–THIS. I love this. …
Ugly PoorPeople / Pretty RichPeople? Are the gays classist as well as racist? 🙂 JK.
Duh! It’s like a joke! Sometimes I think I can get away with it because I’m equally an uglypoor person and and a prettyrich person. Actually, come to think of it, I’m probs more uglypoor. Tearz.
Only the rich pretty ones 😉
It’s really Masc to watch yourself piss.
OK. First of all, I never go to the bathroom. The toilet is there for decorative reasons. Anyone who knows anything knows that people who have been on television do not go to the bathroom. Ever. Secondly, this was the best place in my apartment to put the mirror. Everyone CALM DOWN!
Okay… I think i’m getting a major crush on you…
Lol!! You always make me lol!!!! Love it!!
http://reuschinteriordesign.blogspot.com
Lando. Dude. I’m concerned for your safety – I couldn’t help but notice that you aren’t securing your front door with the supplied security chain. It is very dangerous (even in the city of Angels) to tempt fate like this. What, with the cute little painting outfit, and your hair all flipped, just so… You’re practically asking for it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw&list=RD02EzNhaLUT520