Palm Tree Get On My Face

Dear Diary,

Because I live in Los Angeles, most of my waking hours are spent thinking about palm trees, coconuts, fruit flavored gum, sunscreen, and palm trees. And did I mention palm trees? Also, being that this coming weekend is Memorial Day weekend, the entire homosexual population of Los Angeles will be evacuating to Palm Springs. I actually have no idea what happens to people who stay in LA. What do they do with no gay waiters to feed them at restaurants? No gay hairstylists to do their hair? And no gay decorators to decorate their homes? Every single gay person who lives in Los Angeles is going to Palm Springs. And guess what they are going to do there. They are going to ogle palm trees, rub coconut-scented oil all over each other, chew fruit flavored gum, and then ogle some more palm trees. Speaking of palm trees and tropicaltimez, I’m elated that that frond patterns are trending so hard right now. I’ve been a fan of Martinique’s Amazing banana leaf patterned classic wallpaper for a while now:

Its most famous installation is at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I’d like to install my face onto that wall. Forever.

I also dig the Martinique paper here:

And here (in a space designed by Steven Sclaroff):

And here, in this space designed by Nate Berkus:

Ugh. I hate Nate Berkus. Mainly because I want to steal his identity so that I can pretend I designed the beautiful space above. Yearning…

Because I’m renting, and the likelihood of me wallpapering is about 7%, I think I am going to have to get my fix through accessories and clothing. In my recent internet trolling, I found a few things I want/need. Here you go!

Pillow, $40

I want this pillow. I want to snuggle this pillow. I want to take this pillow to daddy and me yoga. I want to bring this pillow home to meet my parents. I want to be in a thruple involving me, my boyfriend, and this pillow, where my boyfriend sometimes gets jealous that I’m spending too much time with the pillow.

Shirt, $60

Remember when you used to make fun of your friend’s dad for wearing cheesy Hawaiian shirts? And now cheesy Hawaiian shirts are totally haute? And now I want all of them?

Sweatshirt, $60

In a strange turn of events that has caused me to question reality, this sweater looks TERRIBLE on this model but looked AMAZING on my friend who wore it to Cinespia over the weekend. Usually clothing always looks better on models, but this one is better in real life. Full disclosure: my friend is a model.

Shirt, $25

I like that this one is in black and white. It’s tropical California funland, yet moody and depressing. It’s basically the t-shirt version of a Hedi Slimane photograph. Which makes me need it even more.

Blazer, $100

This is the tackiest, cheesiest, most tasteless jacket I’ve ever seen. I’ll take three.

Zara Shirt, $40, Shorts, $40

I’m kind of into this idea. I saw some dudes at Coachella wearing monoprint (matching shirt/pants) outfits and I thought it was totally cool. There’s something totally old lady mall-walker about it which is what makes it so bad ass.

So there we go. I have a lot of shopping to do before the weekend if I’m going to blend in with them palm trees!

Coconuts,
Orlando