Californiatimez: Hiking, Cactii, and the Most Amazing Plant Nursery on Earth

Dear Diary,

Last weekend, some gays and I decided to escape the madness that is LA Pride and head to the little town of Fillmore, California to take a hike and discover new things. Naturally, because we are 90z gays, we took a Jeep wrangler, with the top down. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced riding in the back of a Jeep Wrangler, but a word to the wise: don’t ride in the back when it’s cold outside. It’s the coldest you’ll ever be in your whole life. I froze to death and it was really sad. But then I came back to life when the car stopped moving.

Fillmore is an interesting town. And by “interesting” I mean terrifying. It’s the kind of place where you expect to hear dueling banjos play as soon as your gay car enters the town square. I know it sounds like I’m being super judgmental. But that’s just because I am super judgmental (I learned this recently in a personality test). Also, I went to high school in a similarly terrifying town (Mariposa, California) so I know what those places are like and that there is good reason for my overwhelming fears. All this aside, Fillmore has some wonderful sights to see, including this vacant lot:

And lots of pretty (and haunted) abandoned trains. YAY!

And a pretty high school that looks like this:

My high school looked like this:

Coincidence? I think not. I have a lot of fond memories of high school. Mainly of the day I graduated and never went back ever again.

The main reason for our trip to Fillmore was a hike to Tar Creek. The vistas were beautiful, the air fresh, and the hike delightful.

The hike features two main swimming holes, both with ledges for jumping and slides for sliding.

When the opportunity to jump off a 20′ rock into a pool of water arose, the boys got separated from the men. And by that I mean that I was too scared to jump off the rocks because I have a secret fear of heights. So I suppose that makes me a boy and not a man. Which is fine by me.

This is the second, higher, more terrifying waterfall. The guys I was with jumped off it while I ate beef jerkey.

There was even a giardia-laced waterfall to bath in whilst thinking about the meaning of life. It’s a scientific fact that no Gay can resist the urge to frolic in an outdoor waterfall.

The surprise highlight of the trip was the amazing cactus store we discovered on the way home. Cactus Mart sits on the side of the freeway and is the the most amazing cactus nursery in the whole entire world.

The prices were pretty awesome. Definitely worth the drive.

Someday, I want to live in a greenhouse that looks like this.

Our trip to Fillmore was filled with fun and freedom. I’d highly recommend the Tar Creek hike to anyone (just make sure not to go when it’s too hot because there’s, like, no shade anywhere). And for people who love plants, Cactus Mart is kind of a dreamland. Now if only I had a yard for all these cacti…

Love,
Orlando