Five Things I Loved And Bought

Dear Anjelica Huston,

I know you’ve been concerned about my wardrobe lately, so I did a little shopping and here are some of the things I purchased. I was in desperate need of some new shoes so my search started there. I found these delightful Vans on sale for $40 (they’re supposed to be $90).

As you my know, I was raised in Yosemite Valley and I’ve never seen a Yosemite shirt this cool. I got this on sale for $15.

Apparently I really like Vans, because I bought these too. They were also on sale for $40 (from $80).

This I bought from the flea market for $60. It’s the coziest, comfiest thing in the whole world. The price was kind of steep but it was worth it. Except for the fact that I thought it gave me scabies because I got a mysterious rash today after wearing it without washing it. I immediately rushed to the emergency room and found out that my scabies was actually razor burn. But I’d still love this sweater even if it had given me scabies (which is a terrifying mite that eats away at your skin until you look like a disgusting leper, limbs literally falling from your body faster than you can say “do you have any refreshing Diet Coke?”). It’s soft and warm and it reminds me of all that is happy and good in the world.

I spotted these boots a few months back and snagged them for $20.

The only problem with the boots is that I don’t have any bootcut jeans for them to fit in to. Thus, I posted the following thought on facebook which a friend immediately ridiculed me for:

Honestly, jeans not fitting over your boots is a really big issue in this country and I wish people would take it more seriously. Or at least give me the sympathy I deserve when I am going through a tough time. Thanks for listening, Anjelica Huston. I knew I could always count on you.

Love,
Orlando